I loved going to summer camp. I got to get away for a week, hang out with kids my age, and have fun. I once went to one that was about science (like dirt, and water and things like that). It was boring but I still enjoyed it. I went to one other camp for three straight summers because I liked it so much. I probably would have kept going, but it was for middle schoolers only.

One year at that camp, (I think it was the second or third year) I met a girl named Jessica. She was a really nice girl, not terribly nice looking but I really don't judge on looks. I think she had her eye on me the whole week because she kept going out of her way to talk to me. I remember that towards the end of the week she was getting very possessive with me, and I think it was because the camp was putting a dance on for the last day. She almost made me ask her (even though it wasn't that kind of a dance, but we were middle schoolers and we wanted to feel special). So I did.

The dance was fun. I danced with her and only her because she wouldn't let me dance with any other the other girls that were sitting on the sidelines looking sad. That dance was the first time that I slow danced with a girl. And it was close dancing... no buffer between us. Wow... I was an ecstatic.

About half way through the dance, we decided to take a break and walk outside to get some air. Since it was summer, the sun had just set behind us so it was just light enough to see each other. We walked out by the lake to talk. I must have thought that she was something really special because I told her some pretty embarrassing stories about me and a lot of details about my life. I found out that she lived in Boise, and I got her phone number. She made me promise that I would call her when I got home so that we could get together. If we had been out by the lake much longer, I might have had my first kiss right there by the lake, but instead one of the counselors saw us and made us go back to the dance.

We sat next to each other on the bus ride home too. We were going steady at this point. I think I even got to hold her hand. When I got home, I immediately called her up. We didn't talk about much, but we were on the phone together! I had made a connection! A few days later, she invited me to a Fourth of July party that she was going to have at her house. She said that it would be our first date.

That was all that I thought about for the next few days. Wow, I have a date! I have a DATE! I HAVE A DATE! I wasn't sure what to expect, but it didn't matter. We were official.

Before I went over to her house on that Fourth of July, I picked a few flowers for her, and even spiffed myself up. I couldn't wait to get there. When my mom dropped me off, she made me promise to be good and to thank her parents for having me over and all that jazz. I promised and then ran to her front door. I think she saw me coming because she answered it immediately. I handed her the flowers that were sweaty from my hands by this point, and she let me in. She introduced me to her family and two of her friends that she had also invited over. Then her friends, Jessica and I went off by ourselves. And then the four of us just sat there. We had nothing to do until it got dark when we would light off fireworks.

I found out that the other two were a couple too, so this was like a double date. After we had been talking for a while about nothing, the two girls suddenly left to talk outside of earshot. Feeling attached to Jessica, I started to follow her but she told me to stay. So I did. I didn't know the guy at all, and making small talk was painful because both of us were just waiting for the girls to come back. Finally, the girls came back. They wouldn't tell us what they talked about but they started to lead us towards a shed. Not dragging us, but suddly leading us. When we stopped, we were behind the shed that looked like it probably held a lawn mower and other landscaping equipment. The girls got to the point about what they wanted. Jessica wanted to kiss me back here and the other girl wanted to kiss her boyfriend. I don't think it was as big of a deal for them because I think they had done it before, but I was shocked and very scared.

I had no idea how to kiss. All that I could think of were kissing scenes from movies that I had seen. I was thinking about how her spit would get in my mouth, and how our noses might get in the way. I looked at her and tried to scope out how I would do it. I had no idea. I figured that I would let the other two do it first and see how they did it. I could fake this! The problem was that when they were getting ready to kiss, Jessica pulled me out from behind the shed so that they could be alone. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. What would I do?

I didn't have much time to think because they finished up and Jessica pulled me behind the shed. We didn't say anything. Before I could even think about what we were about to do, she grabbed the sides of my face and started kissing me. The whole thing felt like an out of body experience, because it didn't feel clumsy. My nose didn't get in the way of hers, and I didn't taste anything nasty. That was until I found some food around her teeth. Bleh... but I kept going. I had to look cool. Then she bit my tongue. I didn't even realize that it was in her mouth but she clamped down and pushed it out. I felt dejected. My tongue wasn't good enough for her??? For her mouth that had food in it?? Awww.

We finished shortly thereafter, and she ran away. I walked back around the shed still on cloud 9 (because even if it wasn't great, it was still my first kiss). She ran over with her girlfriend and they talked about their kisses (again out of earshot). Both of us guys just stood there. I probably had some dumb look on my face though. The girls came back, and they wanted to do it again. Oh no. I don't want to roll the dice twice! I figured that I got lucky the first time, but that I was bound to screw up this time. She was very insistence that she wanted it, so I knew that I had to do it.

Again we waited for the other couple to get done, and again we went back there. For some reason I thought she was doing this whole thing to look cool to her girlfriend as well, and since I really didn't want to kiss again, at least not so soon, I suggested that we just pretend that we were kissing. She looked at me like I was some sissy. She didn't give me a chance to change my answer, but just walked away. Again, the girls got together for a powwow, and came back. We were not going for another round, but Jessica decided to announce to everyone about how I was scared to kiss. Aww... that hurt. I felt so dejected at that point. I wasn't cool.

The other two went back a few more times to kiss, but Jessica didn't want to go back with me anymore, and I really didn't want to go back with her either. I really don't remember anything else about the night; I am not even sure if I stayed for the fireworks. I imagine that I did because I had to wait for my mom to pick me up, but I didn't care about any of it. I went home feeling so depressed. I liked her. I thought that she liked me.

The next day I called her and we talked. Nothing important, but I was trying to rebuild the relationship. I could make this work. The day after that, she called me. Wow! This is awesome. She is still interested in me. Then she called the day after that. And the day after that. And so on. I was starting to get very annoyed with her calling because we never, ever talked about anything. In hindsight, she might have been waiting for me to invite her on a second date, but I just thought that she was getting annoying. Every time that she called I thought about that kiss. That dreadful kiss. The kiss that was so good and bad at the same time.

It got to the point where I would see her on caller ID, and I would have someone else pick up the phone and tell her that I wasn't there. After a few days of this, you would think that she would get the point, but she didn't. Day after day after day. Finally, my mom told her off. Told her that I wasn't interested, and to take a hint. Heh... I think she only called a few more times after that, and then gave up. I was annoyed with her and very over her. I didn't want anything to do with her.

Thinking about it today, I realize that she would have been the really clingy type, and probably a whore. My mom still calls her "Jessica the whore". I guess my mom is right about stuff every once in a while. At least she saved me from that girl, even if it was just picking up the phone every time and lying to her about my whereabouts. I wonder how it would have turned out if we had kept going. I imagine that she would have been a drama queen and never let me out of her sight. It would have ended after she saw me talking to another girl, and she would make me get back together with her.

The funny thing is that even though I hate her now, I still remember all of the details seven years after the fact. I still haven't had another relationship, though, and the motto "I will let them come to me" has served me well. That was, until Christine came along who did come to me. I am a rookie in the relationship business, surrounded by people who have had umpteen relationships. Even Christine has had quite a few, even up to last week. Intimidating? Yes. Do I want to get to know Christine better? Sure! Do I know what I am looking for, or what I am waiting for? No, I am clueless. I don't know how she is going to make me feel, but I figure that she just has to be better than Jessica. Can I stand to have my heart broken? I think so. Can I stand another kiss with food involved and a rejected tongue? Well, if that happens again, I think I will go asexual.